After days of agonizing and having conversations about the possibilities of multiples and selective reduction we have made our final decision.... we decided to proceed with the ICI this cycle. After going to Acupuncture 3x a week, choking down 40+ pills per day, suffering through the effects of Clomid side effects, and going to the RE 3x a week was too much to just flush down the toilet at the finish line so we decided to sprint to the end! Lately I have been trying to live life by trusting my intuition and this one time that I am so happy that I went with my "gut". So today was a super long day, but it was so MAGICAL! I mean to start off the day was 09/10/11 how cool would that be to tell our child one day that was the day we inseminated! I had to make some serious decisions and adjustments to our schedules to make this insemination a reality. So today happens to be my longest workday that I have in a month, because it is essentially an 11hour day for me with driving and everything. I have to be in Everett (which is 40 miles north of Seattle) by 10am, DP had to be at work at 3, and the Andrology Lab where our spermies were being held was only open from 7am-10am. So we came to the conclusion that we could only inseminate before I went to work, but the problem was that we needed to inform the Andrology lab that we actually needed the sperm. I didn't get a positive OPK until after the office was closed yesterday so we had to tell them this morning. Well apparently they were on their own time because no one showed up at the office until 7:30 at that point I was stressing because we had a 9:00 appt with the Naturopath for the insemination and then I had less than 20 mins to get to Everett. Luckily I was able to get ahold of someone and I jetted to the clinic to pick up the vial at 8:30 they gave me the vial in a styrofoam cup, and all I could think was I bet this is the most expensive thing that has every been in a cupholder LOL!! My DP arrived at the same time as I did Naturopath's office and we waited for the Nauropath to arrive, while waiting I incubated the vial since it was not thawed yet, I also figured that being close to my heart would give them some incentive to want to stick around and fertilize! My naturopath didn't waste anytime getting down to the task at hand, she briefly explained what she was going to do again and then she had me undress from the waist down and hop on the table, which was great because I had dressed up from the waist up for the occasion LOL! Our Naturopath is great because she has wonderful energy and she explains everything that she was doing, so also allowed DP to help! Once she placed the speculum in she proud to announce that my cervix was nice and open and I had a nice "glaze" of egg-white cervical mucus! She asked me if I wanted to see & me being the science freak I am my answer was of course! Well someone had jacked her mirror so I was not going to be able to see it, and then DP had the wonderful idea that she could take a picture for me!! So I now have my wonderful cervix forever frozen in time in a picture! It is not an excellent picture because DP did not want to look LOL! So after that we got down to the insemination process. We inseminated at around 9:00am and after the insemination our Naturopath left us to our own "devices" *giggles* Hey they say an orgasm after insemination helps everything so why not? LOL! It was very akward to be trying to achieve an orgasm in a Dr.s office, but DP was up to the challenge and eventually it happened *blushing*. Afterwards we cleaned up, exchanged a quick kiss and headed our seperate ways back to work. The rest of my day was super hectic yet mellow all at the same time which was great. Mid-way through the day around 2:00) I started having some serious cramping and by early evening I was def in a lot of pain (Someone could have told me how awful Clomid Ovulation was LOL). I am so relieved that we insemmed before I went to work because when I got off at 7 it would have been too late, so it seems like the spermies were there in just enough time to meet the eggies which is even more exciting!! So we are now officially in the 2ww!! I will be at a conference in New York until next Sunday so I am hoping that allows me to keep my mind off everything so I don't have to stress about every twinge. Now I just need to figure out how to temp every morning without getting a lot of questions, since I am rooming with a colleague from work for the conference.
I will try to check in sometime during the week, but if not then I will see you guys next Sunday!!
In the meantime xxxxBABYDUSTxxxx to all that need it & MANY BLESSINGS!!!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
CD18: Positive OPK!!!
The silver lining in this all of this chaos came today. Let's start with the beginning of my day....
So for those of you who have been following the Vlogs/Blog saw that a few days back I made mention of my deceased daughter (I will do a video & post on my backstory in a few days), well our "song" was/is Lovely Day by Bill Withers. It never fails that when I am having a rough day, or I am in deep contemplation about something Lovely Day randomly pops up on my Zune, the radio or Pandora. So in the morning I usually listen to Pandora in the morning, but for the past week or so I have been playing my own playlist via Youtube and my Mp3 player on my phone, this morning however I decided to give Pandora another chance to get their act together (the mobile app for Pandora usually plays one song and then it "loads" for 15 mins). I spent about 10 mins sitting on the side of the bed "nexting" songs and then I decided to switch to my Neo-Soul channel. I LOVE Neo-Soul and it is always soothing to my soul, and being that I had just peed on a stick and I did not have a rise in my LH & my monitor & BBT had essentially flatlined I needed a boost. As I was in the closet I heard the opening bass line to Lovely Day and I literally said out loud "no way that is Lovely Day playing" but low and behold it was! Tears started flowing on the spot, I told Imani (my daughter) Hello and thanked her for comforting Mommy! After that I was on a high! I just kept thinking to myself now I need for my follicles & body to get it together and ovulate already!
I went through the rest of my day dealing with work stuff, trying to tie up loose ends before I leave for NYC on Monday. I tried not to think about, but all day I was thinking "I just need to Ovulate, I just need to Ovulate" of course adding "before Monday" but I went on with my day. When I got home from work DP & I ran a few errands and when we got home I was Googling about the trigger shot. Since we still have the trigger shot here at home I was seriously thinking about having DP trigger me so that we could inseminate on Sunday.
While I was Googling I felt the urge to pee and I figured while I was there I mineswell test. So I used a 2 month expired OPK and almost instantly a 2nd line popped up, now mind you when I tested at 7am this morning it was stark white, no 2nd line or anything! And here was a 2nd line, I as excited enough about that, so I decided to try a "smiley face" OPK and to my surprise the SMILEY FACE showed up!!! I literally screamed at the top of my lungs and ran downstairs at top speed to show DP!! I was jumping up and down and all DP said was "umm can you get those pee sticks out of my face?" (what a buzzkill LMAO). I re-tested with a fresh (and not expired) OPK and it was positive as well!
After having 3 days of BBT temps still in the pre-O "dip" and I was convinced that I was going to one of the women that just don't ovulate on Clomid which was going to result in a cyst and we would have to sit out, but I am so happy that is something that we don't even have to contend with this cycle.
We have scheduled our insemination for 9am tomorrow morning with the Naturopath we just need to retrieve our sperm from the RE's Andrology Lab!!! Fingers crossed that we are able to catch at least 1 of those eggies!!
Many Blessings xxxxBABYDUSTxxxx
So for those of you who have been following the Vlogs/Blog saw that a few days back I made mention of my deceased daughter (I will do a video & post on my backstory in a few days), well our "song" was/is Lovely Day by Bill Withers. It never fails that when I am having a rough day, or I am in deep contemplation about something Lovely Day randomly pops up on my Zune, the radio or Pandora. So in the morning I usually listen to Pandora in the morning, but for the past week or so I have been playing my own playlist via Youtube and my Mp3 player on my phone, this morning however I decided to give Pandora another chance to get their act together (the mobile app for Pandora usually plays one song and then it "loads" for 15 mins). I spent about 10 mins sitting on the side of the bed "nexting" songs and then I decided to switch to my Neo-Soul channel. I LOVE Neo-Soul and it is always soothing to my soul, and being that I had just peed on a stick and I did not have a rise in my LH & my monitor & BBT had essentially flatlined I needed a boost. As I was in the closet I heard the opening bass line to Lovely Day and I literally said out loud "no way that is Lovely Day playing" but low and behold it was! Tears started flowing on the spot, I told Imani (my daughter) Hello and thanked her for comforting Mommy! After that I was on a high! I just kept thinking to myself now I need for my follicles & body to get it together and ovulate already!
I went through the rest of my day dealing with work stuff, trying to tie up loose ends before I leave for NYC on Monday. I tried not to think about, but all day I was thinking "I just need to Ovulate, I just need to Ovulate" of course adding "before Monday" but I went on with my day. When I got home from work DP & I ran a few errands and when we got home I was Googling about the trigger shot. Since we still have the trigger shot here at home I was seriously thinking about having DP trigger me so that we could inseminate on Sunday.
While I was Googling I felt the urge to pee and I figured while I was there I mineswell test. So I used a 2 month expired OPK and almost instantly a 2nd line popped up, now mind you when I tested at 7am this morning it was stark white, no 2nd line or anything! And here was a 2nd line, I as excited enough about that, so I decided to try a "smiley face" OPK and to my surprise the SMILEY FACE showed up!!! I literally screamed at the top of my lungs and ran downstairs at top speed to show DP!! I was jumping up and down and all DP said was "umm can you get those pee sticks out of my face?" (what a buzzkill LMAO). I re-tested with a fresh (and not expired) OPK and it was positive as well!
After having 3 days of BBT temps still in the pre-O "dip" and I was convinced that I was going to one of the women that just don't ovulate on Clomid which was going to result in a cyst and we would have to sit out, but I am so happy that is something that we don't even have to contend with this cycle.
We have scheduled our insemination for 9am tomorrow morning with the Naturopath we just need to retrieve our sperm from the RE's Andrology Lab!!! Fingers crossed that we are able to catch at least 1 of those eggies!!
Many Blessings xxxxBABYDUSTxxxx
CD 17: "Super Follciles" Ultrasound Results
So we had our CD17 U/S today and it was not great news. So for those of you who don't know, we had our CD15 Ultrasound on Tuesday after we found out that our follicles were not mature on CD 12. We also found out on CD15 that we had 6 follicles (1 additional since Saturday) and the RE's office was not comfortable with us inseminating this cycle. They had us reschedule to come back today to re-check the follicles in hopes that some of the follicles would stop growing. Well after today's scan it appears that the 6 follicles that we had did not stop growing, in fact they just got larger with 5 being fully mature & 1 trailing behind. The RE's office decided to cancel our cycle and I felt so defeated, but at the same time I was super pissed because when we initially started the cycle the RE just gave me the Clomid and since we were going to try at home they told us to do OPKs and then insem at home, if we didn't get pregnant then come back in and we would do a monitored cycle. Well I pushed to be monitored & triggered and that is how we found out about the 6 follicles. Not to mention, the sonographer was not a pleasant person and I feel that regardless of what my follicles looked like she was hellbent on cancelling our cycle. I know this could be just a case of "don't shoot the messenger", but she really rubbed me the wrong way on Tuesday & today. To add insult to injury they had the nerve to send in an ARNP to tell me my cycle was cancelled and all I could think was "Where the F is my RE? And why isn't she telling me this?" I left the office so mad I could have literally ripped someone's head off, DP luckily sensed this and did not really say anything (since she would have gotten the backlash unintendedly). After we left the office I went through the 5 stages of grief pretty quickly and I came out of that grief fighting. My thought process after leaving the RE was that we were going to insem regardless this cycle and we would have still had 5 follicles so why should we not insem? The 1st call I made was to my (hopefully) Midwife to ask her opinion and then I asked DP if I could call my mom. I broke down and told my mom everything (we had not told anyone but my Queer Conceptions Board & my Vlog/Blog that were even trying again). My mom said "Go for It" if you get pregnant w/multiples then I will quit my job, move to Seattle, and move in to help (LOL). She told us that we don't want to always think what if, which is EXACTLY what will happen if we don't inseminate this cycle. And if we don't insem and I end up with a cyst (which means I have to sit out another month) I am going to be kicking myself thinking we should have at least tried. And the worst thing would be if we sat out this cycle and then from here on out we only produce 1 or 2 follicles and it takes us multiple cycles to finally get our BFP. So after a lot of mediation and advice from my mom we have decided that we are going to go ahead and do an ICI with our Naturopath and let the chips fall where they may. I know that it is very controversial to go ahead with the insem with that many follicles, but I have seen women with more than I have and still not get pregnant. So we are leaving this all in the Universe's hands. And there is a chance that we may not even ovulate in enough time because my BBT has been stuck in a dip for the past couple of days and some women don't ovulate on Clomid. We will keep watching & waiting....
Until next time... Many Blessings! And xxxxBABYDUSTxxxxx to all that need it!
Until next time... Many Blessings! And xxxxBABYDUSTxxxxx to all that need it!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
CD 15: Ovarian Hyperstimulation are you Serious?!?!
So we had our CD15 u/s re-check on the follicles (that were not mature enough on Saturday), and apparently all of my singing to them, the meditations well wishes were too much for my ovaries because I am now on the verge of hyperstimulation. 
Here's the breakdown.... A normal woman produces 1 follicle a month, in those rare occasions she releases 2 (resulting in fraternal twins), in a Clomid Ovulation Induced Cycle the average is 2-3 follicles, and with Injectables it is kind of open game. Well none of this was never mentioned as a possible issue at our appointment on Saturday and so the more I think about the more angry I am getting because it would have been better to know that was an option versus being blindsided today.
Here's the breakdown.... A normal woman produces 1 follicle a month, in those rare occasions she releases 2 (resulting in fraternal twins), in a Clomid Ovulation Induced Cycle the average is 2-3 follicles, and with Injectables it is kind of open game. Well none of this was never mentioned as a possible issue at our appointment on Saturday and so the more I think about the more angry I am getting because it would have been better to know that was an option versus being blindsided today.
Here our our numbers from Saturday (the # on the end is the total mm of each follicle):
| L1 | 16.26 | 9.27 | 12.76 | mm |
| L2 | 13.37 | 11.09 | 12.23 | mm |
| L3 | 12.61 | 10.77 | 11.69 | mm |
|
And here are our numbers from today:
| L1 | 20.01 | 15.83 | 17.92 | mm |
| L2 | 11.40 | 11.23 | 11.32 | mm |
| L3 | 17.49 | 15.13 | 16.31 | mm |
| L4 | 19.07 | 11.10 | 15.08 | mm |
| L5 | 16.59 | 14.50 | 15.54 | mm |
| R1 | 17.28 | 14.01 | 15.64 | mm |
| R2 | 18.31 | 13.90 | 16.1 | mm |
And if you are wondering, no your eyes aren't playing tricks on you, there is another magical follicle that has appeared, which has brought our follicle count to 6 and has scared the living crap out of our RE. So the trigger completely went out of the window, and she gave us 2 options 1) Cancel the cycle (or bag the cycle as she said) 2) Come back in on Thursday to check and see if 1 or 2 follicles decide to ovulate on their own. If they continue to grow we have to cancel the cycle or end up with a John & Kate Plus 8 Lesbian Version 
We are okay with twins, but we are not okay with 6 kids at one time.
We are okay with twins, but we are not okay with 6 kids at one time.
I am so mad at my body, I feel like it is hellbent against me, and I know that is just my pity party talking, but after the miscarriages and the death of my daughter I feel like a I deserve an effing break! We decided that we are going to go with Option 2 and see what my body does (hopefully it selectively reduces some of those smaller follicles). So now we play the waiting game and hope that my greedy polycystic ovaries O on their own with just 1 or 2 follicles. 
That means that I am back to peeing on a stick seriously because we have to rely on the OPKs to tell when we are ovulating with no trigger, if of course all the present follicles don't get their shit together and allow 1 or 2 to shine SHEESH!
That means that I am back to peeing on a stick seriously because we have to rely on the OPKs to tell when we are ovulating with no trigger, if of course all the present follicles don't get their shit together and allow 1 or 2 to shine SHEESH!Monday, September 5, 2011
CD14: Random TTC Obsessions...
Ugh I swear as soon as I figure out a solution to 1 issue on this TTC journey another 1 pops up. So as you all know we have 1 ICI vial that we can use since our donors remaining vials are all in quarantine still (boo). Now that our spermies are safely being stored at the RE's office they also offered us a count once they thaw ($90), and for $255 they can prepared the ICI vial for it to be IUI. I have been researching all morning about the difference between ICI & IUI and it seems like IUI is the better option but it also looks like different women have gotten BFPs from different things which makes it super hard to decide which one to go with. DP says no because it is too expensive, but my thought process is that we have gone through all of this preparation and does an ICI match up with everything we are doing (supplements, clomid, trigger)? If we go with the IUI it means we have to do the insemination at the RE office instead of our Naturopath's office which means a more sterile/un-home like place which was our whole reason for seeking out the Naturopath to begin with. But in the back of my mind I just keep thinking, but what if an IUI at the RE's means a BFP? *sigh* Why does this have to be so dang difficult 
Sunday, September 4, 2011
CD 12: RE U/S Update
So we had our RE ultrasound appt. this morning, we woke up super early (me mainly because I could not sleep because I was filled with anticipation) and we both "dressed up" for our appt (lol). DP even convinced me to wear some nice fancy underwear in hopes that we would have a great appointment. And even though we did a lot of preparation the appt was a little bit disappointing for me.
Our sonographer was fabulous, her demeanor and voice was so calming and reassuring which was much needed. The good news is that we have 5 follicles (there were more growing, but those were the largest), the not so great news is that they were not all the way mature. I immediately got upset because I felt like I was the incubator and I had not done a really good job of growing the eggs in enough time. (I am very much a planner, and the plan for this cycle was a bit disrupted by the fact that we are now going to have to inseminate in the middle of a super busy work week) but DP told me not to be so hard on myself and allowed me to see the bright side that we have a few more days for the eggies to grow. The 5 follicles were around 12- 12 1/2, there are 2 follicles on the Right side that are equal in size and they are so close to each other it looks like they were growing in the same follicle. The other 3 are in my Left ovary, which I had already suspected because I had been feeling a lot of "action" in that ovary. The sonographer said that those 3 are competing with each other with 2 being around the same size and 1 that is a bit smaller. I mentioned to DP that it would be funny if 2 or more triggered, she didn't think that was very funny since she is deathly afraid of twins. My lining was about 5.4, which the sonographer said was right on target with the size of the follicles. So we are scheduled to come back to re-check the follicles on Tuesday, that will be CD15 and she is hoping that at least 1 of the follicles will be 18mm or larger and the lining will be thicker.
The great news out of everything was the star of the show was able to be saved! I have really been stressing about our tank from the sperm bank because it is only good for 5-7 days and today is right at 5 days. With immature follicles our tank would be out of gas by the time we were supposed to insem. That though freaked me out, especially since this is our 1 and only vial for the month. When were leaving the house for the appt I decided that we should bring the tank along just in case we needed to either use it or find somewhere to have it re-filled. And I am so happy we did because our wonderful RE has an on site Andrology lab so they can hold our vials for 30days at no charge! Whew what a weight off our shoulders! We can now rest easy knowing that possibly half our child is safely "on ice" until the eggies are ready! And they are going to send our tank to the bank for us as well! I cannot tell you how much I love our fertility clinic!
So now we are just waiting for Tuesday so we can check on the follies and see if they are ready... I guess it is time for me to go back to singing to them :-)
We are headed to the zoo & plan to enjoy our "stay-cation" for the Labor Day weekend! Everyone be safe! See ya in a few days! Many Blessings!
Our sonographer was fabulous, her demeanor and voice was so calming and reassuring which was much needed. The good news is that we have 5 follicles (there were more growing, but those were the largest), the not so great news is that they were not all the way mature. I immediately got upset because I felt like I was the incubator and I had not done a really good job of growing the eggs in enough time. (I am very much a planner, and the plan for this cycle was a bit disrupted by the fact that we are now going to have to inseminate in the middle of a super busy work week) but DP told me not to be so hard on myself and allowed me to see the bright side that we have a few more days for the eggies to grow. The 5 follicles were around 12- 12 1/2, there are 2 follicles on the Right side that are equal in size and they are so close to each other it looks like they were growing in the same follicle. The other 3 are in my Left ovary, which I had already suspected because I had been feeling a lot of "action" in that ovary. The sonographer said that those 3 are competing with each other with 2 being around the same size and 1 that is a bit smaller. I mentioned to DP that it would be funny if 2 or more triggered, she didn't think that was very funny since she is deathly afraid of twins. My lining was about 5.4, which the sonographer said was right on target with the size of the follicles. So we are scheduled to come back to re-check the follicles on Tuesday, that will be CD15 and she is hoping that at least 1 of the follicles will be 18mm or larger and the lining will be thicker.
The great news out of everything was the star of the show was able to be saved! I have really been stressing about our tank from the sperm bank because it is only good for 5-7 days and today is right at 5 days. With immature follicles our tank would be out of gas by the time we were supposed to insem. That though freaked me out, especially since this is our 1 and only vial for the month. When were leaving the house for the appt I decided that we should bring the tank along just in case we needed to either use it or find somewhere to have it re-filled. And I am so happy we did because our wonderful RE has an on site Andrology lab so they can hold our vials for 30days at no charge! Whew what a weight off our shoulders! We can now rest easy knowing that possibly half our child is safely "on ice" until the eggies are ready! And they are going to send our tank to the bank for us as well! I cannot tell you how much I love our fertility clinic!
So now we are just waiting for Tuesday so we can check on the follies and see if they are ready... I guess it is time for me to go back to singing to them :-)
We are headed to the zoo & plan to enjoy our "stay-cation" for the Labor Day weekend! Everyone be safe! See ya in a few days! Many Blessings!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The Swim Team & Trigger Shot Arrived!!!!
So this afternoon I got the best delivery of the year.... Our "Swim Team" & the HCG Trigger shot arrived via Fedex. I swear the time seemed to creep by today, and I was really getting antsy about the shipment arriving, especially because it was getting warmer outside and I just kept having these images of melted sperm in my head (Eeek). When the fedex lady handed me the box she looked at me funny, I am sure she delivers these quite often, but at that point I did not even care, I was just thinking "lady just give me my sperm and no one will get hurt" LOL. Once I got the boxes inside I just sat them in the living room and did not touch them. I think it was because the enormity of everything really hit me....
Looking at the box I realized that box held the contents of possibly half our child. I am carrying the other half and all I need is for these 2 parts to meet and join and we would have our little baby. I got super excited, but also got a little freaked out which I feel is a good thing, it means that my body and mind understand that this is a big deal. Well my freak-out was minor compared to DP's....
She just stared at the box when she came in the house, and then she kept asking me about the freezing. She asked me if it needed to go into the freezer, I was like ummm no it has to be in a special type of freezer. She asked me if I needed to plug the cryotank in, and I was like ummm wife of mine please stop asking me about that tank LOL!
I guess it is just hitting us both, but I think we are getting excited... where is the fast forward button so Saturday can hurry up and get here?
Attached are some pics of the tank & our Pregnyl shot :-)
Looking at the box I realized that box held the contents of possibly half our child. I am carrying the other half and all I need is for these 2 parts to meet and join and we would have our little baby. I got super excited, but also got a little freaked out which I feel is a good thing, it means that my body and mind understand that this is a big deal. Well my freak-out was minor compared to DP's....
She just stared at the box when she came in the house, and then she kept asking me about the freezing. She asked me if it needed to go into the freezer, I was like ummm no it has to be in a special type of freezer. She asked me if I needed to plug the cryotank in, and I was like ummm wife of mine please stop asking me about that tank LOL!
I guess it is just hitting us both, but I think we are getting excited... where is the fast forward button so Saturday can hurry up and get here?
Attached are some pics of the tank & our Pregnyl shot :-)
The Wonderful World of Books!!
So my partner & I love reading more than almost anything other pastime in our lives! We love to go to the park & read, we love to cuddle up on the couch & read, and we can't wait to be able to share our love of reading with our future children! So here is a review of the books that we (mostly me) have been reading during this TTC journey...
Starting the Journey
So I think that every woman/couple that is even considering TTC should start with some basic books to get a better understanding of what is going on with her body each month. I see a lot of TTC moms on my boards that don't have some basic understandings of the workings of their bodies and although I do agree that is what the boards are partly there for, but when you are using a lot of resources and time I personally feel that you need to have a clear understanding of what is going on *steps off my soapbox*
1) Fertility & Conception by Zita West- I think this type of book is a good "starting point" book. If you already have basic understandings of fertility & conception you will want to pass over this book, but if you are in need of some basic understanding with great sciencey pictures check out this book!
2) Considering Parenthood by Cheri Pies- (yes that is really her name lol) This is an awesome resource not just for future parents to be, but it is geared towards Lesbians! It is filled with a lot of questions that you can talk to your partner about before you decide that you want to try to conceive, during your journey, and as a way to help pass the time during the 2WW.
So you are infertile? Now what?
So unfortunately all of us that have reached this junction in our journey have heard the words or saw the words on paper: Infertile/Infertility. So what do you do when you are feeling alone and feel like your body has turned completely against you? I turned to the internet for support and found an amazing section on Mothering.com called Queer Conceptions that was filled with super supportive TTCers that I could share my journey with. It is great to have a place where I can talk to women who honestly can say I know how you feel because they are there in my shoes!
1) Good Eggs by Phoebe Potts- I cannot say how much I really liked this book! Not only was it a great story that was well written, but did I mention that it is written in "comic book" form? The entire book is in storyboard fashion and I think that is what made me love this book even more! There are so many additional funny things going on in the background of the comic that add to the story unintentionally.
2) Riding the Infertility Rollercoaster by Iris Waichler- I have just started reading this book, but I like it so far. It is a mix of a guide book and testimonials and is well written, I am liking it thus far.
3) Infertility SUCKS by Beverly Barna- I love to approach all things through humor and this book has been my dose of humor through this very unfunny journey. It is written from the standpoint of this awesome make-believe group called Canned Parenthood and it gives great responses to all kinds of situations that come up in the life of an infertile woman/couple
4) Tick Tock by Lillian Schapiro- I liked this book because it showed that infertility can strike anyone regardless of age or socioeconomic background. This book is not really a book I could identify with because of her role as an Ob/gyn and the advantages she received because of that, but it was a good book nonetheless.
5) Waiting for Daisy by Peggy Orenstein- This was a great book about loss, and even touched on adoption. I was referred to this book by one of the ladies on my TTC board and I am so happy that I got this book it def gave me hope!
6) A Little Pregnant by Linda Carbone & Ed Decker- This book is a little different than the other books that I have read because it gives you alternating views from the husband & wife. I started this book, but lost interest pretty quickly because the book had a scholarly feel to it. Now don't get me wrong I love to learn, but I also like my non-fiction books to be down to earth and easy to read, not full of ridiculously large words that you have to stop & think of the definition. It is next on my list to go back and read because it seems like it is going to be good.
7) So Close by Tertia Albertyn- This book is also "waiting in the wings" for me to read, it seems like it is going to be very interesting because this particular woman has endured 9 IVFs (OMG).
8) Inconceivable by Shannon Woodward- I honestly hope that this is a book that I never have to read. This is obviously one of my not well thought out purchases. I think I just skimmed the description of the book or it was omitted entirely, but this is a very religious based book. DP & I are both non-religious, we come from very strong Christian backgrounds, but we are more spiritual than religious so a book filled with things about 1 particular "God" is not our cup of tea. On top all that the book is written for women who have reached the end of the road in their TTC journey and I def have a few good years left in me!
PCOS
So I am quite ambivalent about my PCOS diagnosis, as I am with most diagnosis, so I have purchased the following PCOS books, but I have not cracked any of them open. I have decided that if this cycle does not work I will give in and read the books, but until that point I like being in the dark....
1) What to do when your Doctor says its PCOS by Milton Hammerly & Cheryl Kimball
2) Polycystic Ovary Syndrome by Dr. John Eden
3) PCOS and your Fertility by Colette Harris with Theresa Cheung
4) The Savvy Woman's Guide to PCOS by Elizabeth Lee Vliet
5) Living with PCOS by Angela Boss & Evelina Sterling
What is DP reading?
Currently DP is reading....
1) Confessions of the Other Mother Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All by Harlyn Aizley- She seems to really like this book, it gives different stories of nonbiological mothers and how they feel about it. She said there are some wild stories in this book! I can't wait until she finishes it, mainly because I want to see what is so great about it, and plus I will be the nonbiological mom to at least 1 of our children and I need to be prepared for that.
Backburner Book
Last but def not least...
1) Times x Two by Kristen Henderson & Sarah Ellis-We purchased this book because we recently decided that once I have a viable pregnancy we are going to start TTC with DP (YAY!) I am so excited to see life grow inside of her, I know that she is going to be an amazing mom! This book essentially discussed "LesbiTwins" moms who got pregnant around the same time. I am excited to read this book as well!
Well that covers all the books that we have or are currently reading while TTC to help pass the time... I am sure as time goes on we will add more books so I will update you guys once we get some new books in stock :-)
Starting the Journey
So I think that every woman/couple that is even considering TTC should start with some basic books to get a better understanding of what is going on with her body each month. I see a lot of TTC moms on my boards that don't have some basic understandings of the workings of their bodies and although I do agree that is what the boards are partly there for, but when you are using a lot of resources and time I personally feel that you need to have a clear understanding of what is going on *steps off my soapbox*
1) Fertility & Conception by Zita West- I think this type of book is a good "starting point" book. If you already have basic understandings of fertility & conception you will want to pass over this book, but if you are in need of some basic understanding with great sciencey pictures check out this book!
2) Considering Parenthood by Cheri Pies- (yes that is really her name lol) This is an awesome resource not just for future parents to be, but it is geared towards Lesbians! It is filled with a lot of questions that you can talk to your partner about before you decide that you want to try to conceive, during your journey, and as a way to help pass the time during the 2WW.
So you are infertile? Now what?
So unfortunately all of us that have reached this junction in our journey have heard the words or saw the words on paper: Infertile/Infertility. So what do you do when you are feeling alone and feel like your body has turned completely against you? I turned to the internet for support and found an amazing section on Mothering.com called Queer Conceptions that was filled with super supportive TTCers that I could share my journey with. It is great to have a place where I can talk to women who honestly can say I know how you feel because they are there in my shoes!
1) Good Eggs by Phoebe Potts- I cannot say how much I really liked this book! Not only was it a great story that was well written, but did I mention that it is written in "comic book" form? The entire book is in storyboard fashion and I think that is what made me love this book even more! There are so many additional funny things going on in the background of the comic that add to the story unintentionally.
2) Riding the Infertility Rollercoaster by Iris Waichler- I have just started reading this book, but I like it so far. It is a mix of a guide book and testimonials and is well written, I am liking it thus far.
3) Infertility SUCKS by Beverly Barna- I love to approach all things through humor and this book has been my dose of humor through this very unfunny journey. It is written from the standpoint of this awesome make-believe group called Canned Parenthood and it gives great responses to all kinds of situations that come up in the life of an infertile woman/couple
4) Tick Tock by Lillian Schapiro- I liked this book because it showed that infertility can strike anyone regardless of age or socioeconomic background. This book is not really a book I could identify with because of her role as an Ob/gyn and the advantages she received because of that, but it was a good book nonetheless.
5) Waiting for Daisy by Peggy Orenstein- This was a great book about loss, and even touched on adoption. I was referred to this book by one of the ladies on my TTC board and I am so happy that I got this book it def gave me hope!
6) A Little Pregnant by Linda Carbone & Ed Decker- This book is a little different than the other books that I have read because it gives you alternating views from the husband & wife. I started this book, but lost interest pretty quickly because the book had a scholarly feel to it. Now don't get me wrong I love to learn, but I also like my non-fiction books to be down to earth and easy to read, not full of ridiculously large words that you have to stop & think of the definition. It is next on my list to go back and read because it seems like it is going to be good.
7) So Close by Tertia Albertyn- This book is also "waiting in the wings" for me to read, it seems like it is going to be very interesting because this particular woman has endured 9 IVFs (OMG).
8) Inconceivable by Shannon Woodward- I honestly hope that this is a book that I never have to read. This is obviously one of my not well thought out purchases. I think I just skimmed the description of the book or it was omitted entirely, but this is a very religious based book. DP & I are both non-religious, we come from very strong Christian backgrounds, but we are more spiritual than religious so a book filled with things about 1 particular "God" is not our cup of tea. On top all that the book is written for women who have reached the end of the road in their TTC journey and I def have a few good years left in me!
PCOS
So I am quite ambivalent about my PCOS diagnosis, as I am with most diagnosis, so I have purchased the following PCOS books, but I have not cracked any of them open. I have decided that if this cycle does not work I will give in and read the books, but until that point I like being in the dark....
1) What to do when your Doctor says its PCOS by Milton Hammerly & Cheryl Kimball
2) Polycystic Ovary Syndrome by Dr. John Eden
3) PCOS and your Fertility by Colette Harris with Theresa Cheung
4) The Savvy Woman's Guide to PCOS by Elizabeth Lee Vliet
5) Living with PCOS by Angela Boss & Evelina Sterling
What is DP reading?
Currently DP is reading....
1) Confessions of the Other Mother Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All by Harlyn Aizley- She seems to really like this book, it gives different stories of nonbiological mothers and how they feel about it. She said there are some wild stories in this book! I can't wait until she finishes it, mainly because I want to see what is so great about it, and plus I will be the nonbiological mom to at least 1 of our children and I need to be prepared for that.
Backburner Book
Last but def not least...
1) Times x Two by Kristen Henderson & Sarah Ellis-We purchased this book because we recently decided that once I have a viable pregnancy we are going to start TTC with DP (YAY!) I am so excited to see life grow inside of her, I know that she is going to be an amazing mom! This book essentially discussed "LesbiTwins" moms who got pregnant around the same time. I am excited to read this book as well!
Well that covers all the books that we have or are currently reading while TTC to help pass the time... I am sure as time goes on we will add more books so I will update you guys once we get some new books in stock :-)
CD 9: Hysterosalpingogram Results
So today I had my Hysterosalpingogram today.... and boy oh boy was that an experience for the books! Like I mentioned in my last post I had to attend the appt by myself because DP was still at work. I had been reading on the internet and watching Youtube videos about the procedure (I know, shame on me) and so once I got to the hospital I kind of freaked out. I honestly think I was freaking out about the procedure hurting than I was about the results of the procedure.
The X-Ray tech had me change into a gown and a nice little robe and then she had me lay on the X-Ray Slab/Table on my back. My RE did the procedure (I scheduled it specifically with her because I was not comfortable with some random stranger shooting dye into my uterus), and overall she was pretty quick. She started with a speculum that is "a tad larger" (the lies... I mean interpretation of the X-Ray tech) that speculum was a lot larger than the normal speculum and it was uncomfortable. But I had no idea what would come next... she cleaned off my cervix while the X-Ray tech tried to distract me by making small talk and then out of nowhere with no warning she clamped down on my cervix with what I can only guess was a tenaculum. I swear it felt like a shark had clamped down on my cervix and I darn near jumped off the table! After that she took the speculum out.... ummmm ouch again! Try having something clamped onto your cervix, with a tube in your cervix all while having a speculum being removed so the test can be done (sheesh)! Once all of that was done the rest of the test went pretty quickly. They slid the table backwards so they could use the X-ray machine and I got to watch the test happen on a nifty little monitor. At first my RE was concerned that there was backflow but after more dye went into the fallopian tubes there was spillage out of the ovaries and she concluded that I passed the test!
So now I have a sweaky clean uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries!!! I am hoping this was exactly what my body needed to create a "super highway" for the spermies & egg(s) to meet!!
Tomorrow the tank should be arriving as well as the HCG trigger shot and I am so excited because everything is becoming so real!!!
BABY DUST to all & Many Blessings!
CD 8 Update
So the past weeks has been so crazy... I have been working crazy hours, and to add on everything I am a Doula on the side and my client went into labor Sunday night. It was a fairly quick birth (luckily) and after less than 12 hours of labor and pushing she delivered a beautiful 6lbs 12oz baby girl! It was an amazing, adrenaline pumping experience since I have not been at a birth in a while! But I will tell you, it took a lot out of me! I slept all day Monday and I wished that I could sleep all day Tuesday!
So here is a quick update of what has been going on with me in the 5 days I have been away....
Last week I had my CD3 Testing and miraculously it all came back normal! It looks like all the supplements I am taking, the change in my eating habits, and exercise paid off! I also started Clomid on CD3 and I really don't have too many complaints about the Clomid. I did experience ridiculous hot flashes that make me want to NEVER go into menopause, I had a persistent headache the entire time I was taking the Clomid, and it made me really groggy when I wake up in the morning (I took it at night). Thankfully I did not have any "Cloments" while I was taking the medications I was a little emotionally on edge, but it was not any worse than a PMS episode. I have been having some cramping in my ovaries but I am hoping that is a good sign that these follicles are growing nicely in there!
I will be going in for my HSG (hysterosalpingogram) tomorrow and I am getting super nervous about it! I will be going alone since my DP will be at work during my appt. and I have been probably doing more harm than good by watching Youtube videos about the procedure and so I am worried about the pain. Fingers crossed though that everything goes smoothly and there are not any problems.
Until tomorrow.... Many Blessings!
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